The Day That Changed My World (pt. 2)

Over the next few days we made plans for the funeral. It was like nothing I would have ever imagined. I had helped with arrangements for my mother in 2016 and my mother-in-law in 2017. This was on a scale I would never have imagined.

Because he was killed while fighting a fire, the firefighting community rallied. The fire chief from Altus came to the house to tell me about benefits and funeral protocols available to me. I was overwhelmed. He also told me that representatives from fire departments from all over the state would be at the service. I had planned to have his service at our little country church where he had attended since he was a boy, where we were married, where we grew our family. I was finally convinced that we would need much more room. We held his funeral in a larger church in town and there were still people standing. They had a parking map for people to follow, streets were closed for the fire trucks, and the roads were blocked during our procession to the cemetery. The drum and bagpipe corps played at the service and the cemetery, the fire honor guard performed the flag ceremony, and they rang the last bell. The procession was four miles long. It was all so humbling.

We spent our lives being homebodies for the most part. We didn't socialize much outside of work and church. So imagine our shock when so many showed up to pay respects. With my school friends, church family, his work people and those from his previous job, firefighters, and friends of other family members, over 600 people signed the book at the funeral and visitation.

The night Maddy died I decided I needed to speak at the funeral. I needed people to know what kind of person he was, what kind of life we had, and that Christ is where our strength and hope lies. The day of the funeral I was lightheaded and dizzy, probably from lack of sleep and food in the previous days. I was so afraid I would pass out. As I was waiting in the family room I prayed that God would allow me to get my message out, that I would be able to speak. Almost immediately I felt a wave start at the top of my head and travel down my body. I no longer felt dizzy and my breathing became normal. I made it through the service and spoke about our amazing life, our faith in God, and what a wonderful man he was.

My message was simple: Put your faith and trust in Christ. Worry less about making money and make memories. Instead of gathering "stuff", collect friends and relationships.

Below is the text that I used for my husband's eulogy. I deviated slightly, but it is fairly close to what was said. I had many people tell me that it made them really think about their relationships with their spouse, family, and friends. That's what I wanted. If one life is changed, then I did something right.

"God is good ALL the time.

When I got the call saying Maddy had been hurt, I told Caitlin and we got in the car and headed for the scene, calling Alison on the way. When I was told he had died my first thought was they made a mistake. My next was I know where he is. The moment the roof fell God had him.

Looking back, in the last 2 weeks there were many things that we had talked about, things I had thought, and things we had done that I can see God’s hand in. Friday morning Alison was supposed to be working at her other school but had more to do at my school so she came there. I had told Maddy that would probably be the last day for us to have lunch together before school began. We both went to lunch with him and enjoyed talking. We had actually discussed wills that day. Caitlin got off at 3:30 so she had some time to talk to him after work. I worked late at school but got home at 5:10 and had about 20 min. to visit with him before the pager went off. I truly believe God had his hand in that.

Every night Maddy and I did our Bible reading before bed, working to go through the whole book. After everyone had gone home that night, I got out my Bible. The passage that I began to read was from John 14. I got to verse 27 and I knew God was with me.It reads: Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid. As I read on I also came to John 15:13 Greater love has no one than this: to lay down one’s life for one’s friends. Other things have happened to take care of issues that I was concerned with that let me know God is with me.

Maddy grew up attending church. When you’re a preacher’s kid living steps away from the doors, you are there every time they are open.

He loved our little church and worked to make it the place God intended. Maddy lived a great, albeit simple, life. His family can tell stories of his antics as a child. He told me numerous stories of his questionable choices in high school, including the test tube stopper fight in science class.

I first met Maddy when I was a senior in high school and he was much older. The story of how we met is a long one that I love to share with people. I won’t tell the whole thing today, but I will tell you that God is the only one that could have made that happen. Maddy was known for being a man a few words, meaning he didn’t talk much. The night he called to ask me out we were on the phone for 2 hours. No one could believe it.

He loved riding 3 wheelers at the lake. I made the mistake of riding behind him. After holding on for dear life, he told me that he was taking it easy for me. He raced his 4 wheeler in Lawton, winning the points championship one year.

He was never afraid to take risks. From driving his Pinto on Thrill Hills to zipling in Jamaica. He joined the volunteer fire department as soon as he was old enough and was quick to respond to the pager. Even his job as an electric lineman was full of risks. He lived life without fear.

He was all guy to the outside world, but he was a softie when it came to me and the girls. When I first saw the number on his 4 wheeler I saw that he chose 24. That was my high school basketball number. When I was at college in Stillwater he wrote me letters all the time. Remember this was before cell phones and internet. He hated writing but he did it for me. He held and played with the girls when they were little and did whatever he could for them. He wasn’t a carpenter but he could weld so he decided to make his own swingset for the girls. As they have grown he has supported them in whatever endeavor they chose to pursue. He also provided a great amount of teasing and typical Dad stuff. When we taught him how to text he would randomly send me a “love you more” during the day while I was teaching. The day he discovered emojis was interesting. I had to explain to him that was not a chocolate chip. Sometimes he would send every flower emoji and tell me I couldn’t say he never sent me flowers. He loved to send the girls random emojis as well. When he learned about GIFs it got worse. Our family life was filled with lots of humor, teasing, and sarcasm.

Maddy was easy going and didn’t worry about much. In our 32 years together we never had a fight. Don’t get me wrong, we disagreed about things but worked it out. We wanted to create a legacy for our girls. We never wanted them to doubt that their parents loved each other. Every morning when he left for work I got a kiss goodbye and I told him to be careful out there and come back to me. He told me to be good, to which I replied “Why?’. He would do anything for me, whether he wanted to or not. I convinced him to go to Falls Creek to help me cook –2 years in a row. He even went to Walmart with me, although he had to go to the fishing section. He let me paint the house any shade of white I wanted. He was a great supporter of my love of the OKC Thunder, including my obsession with Nick Collison. We got tickets and went to many games together. He never groaned when I got another Collison shirt and would even make sure I knew when he was in the game. He has even tolerated the framed picture of me getting Collison’s autograph. If Alison wanted to go fishing, even when he was hot and tired from work, he loaded up the boat and headed out. He had a favorite “secret” fishing lure that seemed to catch the walleye. He ended up buying an entire case of them from the company. He loved to fish and would go whenever he could and the weather was good.

Maddy was always willing to help others. He gave of his time and finances to those in need. He participated in several opportunities to help others during our days of service projects. Through his work as an electric lineman he has gone to several states to help restore power after storms, including Katrina and Sandy. I could tell you so many stories, but there would never be enough time.

We spent every summer going on vacation. We bought our first camper in 2003 and took it all over the country, making memories while seeing the sights. One of our bucket list goals was going to all 50 states. We hit numbers 34 and 35 this summer. A few years ago we decided to stop buying each other “stuff” for Christmas, birthdays, and anniversaries and instead do things to make memories. In July we spent 2 weeks together, 24/7, visiting Glacier and spots in Washington state. He stopped for waterfalls, overlooks, even flowers because he knew that’s what I liked.

I urge you to worry less about making money and make memories. Don’t accumulate “stuff” but instead gather friends and relationships.

Maddy’s legacy is one of a caring and loving Godly man who loved to help others and he will be remembered always.

My family has been overwhelmed by the outpouring of love and support from the firefighter community, his PSO family, our church, our school family, friends, and even strangers. Hearing stories of how Maddy touched so many lives has been a blessing. We thank you from the bottom of our hearts for all you have done for us during this time.

I know Maddy loved me, our girls, his family, and friends, but most importantly, God. I know he is with him now and my faith will see me through this difficult time. Put your hope in the one who loves you more than anyone on this Earth."