Always Something There to Remind Me

It doesn't take much to produce a memory. A song on the radio, a picture on the shelf, or even a certain menu item can bring to mind another place and time. Those thoughts usually produce a smile or a laugh, but sometimes the memories are not all happy. No matter the emotion produced, memories are precious.

When you are with someone for 32 years and live together for 28 of them, you create a large storehouse of memories. Everywhere I turn in our home there is something that sparks a recollection. Sometimes I replay an entire scene in my mind. Depending on the day, I may laugh, cry, or stop in my tracks as my heart skips a beat. Just the other day I was cleaning out the coat closet where we also stored blankets we used in the living room. I decided to move some to that back room. I picked up the blanket Maddy usually used and I swear I could still smell him. That definitely made me freeze.

Some have asked if I plan to move. First, the house is paid off so I'm free of payments. I love my view. Most importantly, my kids and my granddaughter are here. Even if I moved to a new house in a new area, my memories would move with me. They are a part of me. Just because someone is no longer in your life doesn't mean you should have to scrub all evidence of him or her from existence.

The memories of my life with Maddy are wide and varied, but every one is treasured. Those reminders keep me going when I'm having a rough day. But not all my memories are pleasant.

Every so often my mind wanders back to that day two years ago that changed my world. I recall the lunch we had and his texts to me. I can still see him in the kitchen grabbing his things to head out the door when the pager went off. The phone call from his father replays in my brain and I still remember thinking that we were probably going to have to go to Oklahoma City this time. I have a very vivid picture in my head of the fire scene I saw from the side of the road.

When I start down that path I try my best to replace those thoughts with happier ones. But sometimes reminders of that fateful day are hard to avoid. Someone asked me if I ever go by the site. I had to laugh. My route to town takes me past the house, which has now been rebuilt. I would have to go a minimum of two miles out of my way to avoid it, and it's not worth that trouble. My neighbor across the road has a spray foam insulation business and has his trailer parked in his yard. I see it every time I leave my driveway or get the mail. It's just another reminder of what started that last fire call.

Memories help us connect to the past. We learn more about who we are now by remembering how we got here. I hope I never see the day when I can no longer recall my times with Maddy. Every memory brings him back to me, if only for a short time.

I've said it before and I will keep shouting it from the rooftops - make memories with your family and friends. Take time to play a game, call your mom, or have a picnic. Spend time not money. Toys break, clothes go out of fashion, but memories last a lifetime!