Five Years

It’s hard to believe five years have passed since my life changed forever, yet in some ways it seems like yesterday.

Five years since I last saw your face.

Five years since I kissed you goodbye.

Five years since the pager went off, I said, “I love you!”, and “Be safe.” before you headed for the station.

Five years since I got that call and headed to the fire scene.

Five years since “our life” ceased and “my life” began.

Many things have happened in those five years.

I’ve had to learn to live without you, your hugs, your touch, and your comfort.

I’ve learned how to hold in all the thoughts I used to tell you.

I’ve had to swallow my pride and ask for help for all the things you used to do.

I’ve learned that no one loved and cherished me like you.

I’ve also learned that I am braver than I thought.

I can speak about you all day!

I had to find a new purpose for my life, so now I help others going through this widow journey.

Doing good for others makes the days worthwhile.

Spending time with your grandchild can help heal your heart.

These five years have taught me much about grief. The biggest lesson is that grief never ends, because my love for you will never end. Even though you are not here physically, you are ever present in my life. I will do my best to make you proud.

You will always be loved. You will always be remembered. You will always be my hero.