Bag Lady

Many ladies have an almost obsession with bags. We will get the free tote bags at stores or booths, collect purses in a variety of sizes, shapes, and colors, and have bags for the different activities we engage in. Bags have to hold anything we may possibly need while we are out because you never know when you may need a wet wipe, tape measure, or screwdriver. Many times our bags provide a better weight workout than a gym.

Maddy would tease me about how heavy and large my purse was, but he expected me to have whatever he might need. I was the carrier of the lip balm, ibuprofen, bandaids, and, yes, the tape measure. I brought the sample to the store for him to compare or held onto the information he just got. Like most women, I was a great pack mule.

We carry different bags depending on the current circumstance. Sometimes we have a gym bag (Well, not me, but some do!) or work bag we bring home. Shopping bags are abundant after a trip to the store. Overnight bags are used for that special trip. Diaper bags are a necessity with a little one. Currently I'm sporting some impressive bags under my eyes!

A peek into the closet will probably reveal more bags than can be used, but what about those bags that we store inside ourselves?

Women tend to carry more emotional baggage than men. We take things to heart. We worry over our children and friends. We fret about finances and bills. We stress about meals, schedules, and housework. Our shoulders have to be big to haul all the bags full of the weight of our lives. This load is just the everyday, "normal" baggage we've acquired.

What happens when a new, unexpected event drops another bag at your feet? This bag may be full of a weight you aren't ready to carry. Perhaps it contains a diagnosis, a betrayal, or grief. There comes a time when we have to drop our "normal" bags so we can bear the weight of the new ones.

Through this trial you carry your new burden as best you can. Maybe you are able to lessen the load by talking to a friend or by getting the medical attention required. No matter the length of your journey, when you get to the other side you can pick up the regular bags and move forward. If you are fortunate, that new bag is now much lighter or completely empty.

I remember several trials I've gone through in my life, some more serious than others. When Maddy was diagnosed with cancer I thought, "How am I going to get through this with two small children?" As he had surgery and radiation treatments, we were given a good prognosis each time. When the five day a week trips to treatments were done I could pick back up my normal bags and put the "cancer" bag in storage for a time. I only had to get it out once a year for follow up tests until the ten year mark. Illnesses and deaths over the years have required me to switch bags for a time, but I was able to pick up and go on.

But what happens when you don't get to "the other side" and that new bag is still just as heavy, but you have to get back to those other sacks, the ones you left?

This is one of those times that I am not going to be able to pick up my usual bags and go on like before. Right now I don't see the end of this trial because Maddy will never be back to pick up our plans where we left off. So how do I carry the new load and still grab those old, every day burdens?

One thing I've learned is what is determine what is a priority for the moment or near future. Maybe some of the weight I've been carrying isn't important right now. Because my life situation changed, some of my worries and responsibilities changed or went away totally. I was able to empty those bags. Some of the bags could be combined, while others could be abandoned. There were some things I just decided not to deal with until much later down the road. Without Maddy they weren't important anymore.

I have this mental picture of a woman trying to carry every bag from the car in one trip. Both arms are loaded down with sacks looped from elbow to hand. Hands have a grip on another group while clutching a few to the chest. No need to make multiple trips! Unfortunately, this is how we tend to view our emotional baggage sometimes. We don't ask for help. We don't want anyone to have to carry our burdens. We can't let them peek inside and see what we are dealing with.

No matter what you are carrying, no matter what you are dragging because it is just too heavy to carry, you don't have to deal with the burden alone. When someone asks if there is anything they can help you with, let go of a bag. I know it's hard, but sometimes your mental and emotional health are more important than your pride. Accepting help in any form is hard, I know. Asking for help is harder! I've had to make my pride sit down at times when I just couldn't do it myself. I'm getting better at asking for help doing those things that are out of my skill or comfort zone (hello water leak!). I'm still learning to reach out when the emotions are running all over the place!

When you feel trapped by the weight of your bags, when you don't think you can go another step, remember the One who has promised to carry those burdens for us. I have found myself in prayer more in the last year than I have at any other time in my life. Sometimes I ask for specific guidance and relief; other times I simply say "Help!". Jesus has promised to be our rescuer and source of comfort. Leave your burdens with Him and He will lighten your load.

If you are reading this and you feel like you are being pulled under by the weight of your load, reach out to a friend, family member, or contact me. I've been there and know what you are going through.