Do Over

There have been many times in my life when I wish I could go back and change something. Perhaps I made the wrong choice or said something I shouldn't have. I'm sure almost everyone has moments they would like to redo. In golf you can have a mulligan and do the stroke over. Too bad life doesn't allow mulligans.

Throughout my life I've always played the "what if" game. My dad told the story of going into town to join the Navy, but the recruiter was closed. He went next door and joined the Air Force instead. I've always wondered how my life would've been different if he would have joined the Navy, if I even would've been born. There have been several events in my life that I wondered what would've happened if a different choice was made. Maddy and I used to tell each other what we would do for each other if money was no object. I liked that game because it showed how much we loved each other and wanted the other to be happy.

When I was younger the "Choose Your Own Adventure" books were popular. I will confess that I don't remember reading one, but I did thumb through it just to see what the fuss was about. If you aren't familiar with the books, at a certain point in the story you had a choice to make. Depending on your choice you turned to the page listed to see where the story went from there. After you followed that plot trail you could go back, make a different choice, and see what would happen then. I've been wishing life was like one of these books. I'd like to go back to August 10, 2018, make a few different decisions, and see what happens. I would keep doing that until I get the outcome I want.

Unfortunately, life doesn't let you turn back the page and make a different choice. We have to trust that God is in control, even when we don't understand the "why" of the situation. My "life verse" is Jeremiah 29:11, "For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the LORD, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future.". Now, as a perpetual planner, I will tell you I had my life neatly planned out until I was at least 70. Those plans were really good, if I do say so myself. I wish I could figure out how to make God realize just how great MY plans were so he can give me a mulligan! I know that the plans God has for me are best, but I want to see the big picture now. I want to know why my plans weren't good enough. Why does His plan have to be devoid of Maddy?

I know I'm not getting the answers to my questions on this side of Heaven. I know I have to trust that God will not make plans for me that will harm me. I know that I can lean on Him to get me through this "adventure", even though it's not the one I would have ever chosen. In my mind I know all of these truths. Now I just have to wait for my heart to catch up with my head.