Don't Turn Around

Have you ever just stopped and really looked at your surroundings? Do you look at the details around you? What do you see? Do you see a restaurant, or do you see the times you ate there with people you care about? When you walk into a store do you think about what you are there to buy, or do you remember other times you've been there? When you hear a song do you sing along at the top of your lungs, or does a memory pop in your head? Most of the time we live in the present. We have places to go and people to see. We don't take the time to take in the world around us. I usually have blinders on, focusing on my goal. Since losing my husband the world around me has become a memory at every turn.

Since we were both homebodies we didn't have a large pool of friends that we went out with. We spent most of our time together. Once our girls were old enough to take care of themselves and have other activities to fill their time, we spent more time together. We went to eat. We went shopping together. We went to Thunder games, camping, or out of town trips. Now I have a difficult time going anywhere without seeing something that brings up a memory. When you spend 32 years with someone it's hard to find anything that didn't affect your life. Every time I see an RV I remember the trips we took, the fun we had camping, and the plans we had that will never happen. When I go into stores like Lowe's and Bass Pro I unconsciously start going along the same path that we always took to tour them. When I go to a restaurant that we had been to, I think about what Maddy would order or talks we had while eating. Almost every song holds a memory, either of our relationship or a moment in time. I don't know if I will be able to watch James Bond or John Wayne without thinking of him.

Our lives are not meant to be spent in a box. We are designed to be social. All of the things we interact with become a part of our life. The memories we make will be stored away for a future day. People become intertwined in our lives and find a place in our memories. Their absence is felt in almost every detail. It makes sense that all of these stir up feelings and emotions within me. Sometimes they make me smile. Other times the feelings are too much to contain. No matter what, I'm glad I have these memories of the time I spent with my true love.

"Surely the righteous will never be shaken; they will be remembered forever." Psalm 112:6