Hard Habit to Break

How many things do we do on a daily basis without thinking about it? From the time we get up to the time we lay back down, there are hundreds of actions that are done because we have done them for so long. I have a routine I follow to get ready in the morning. If something happens to throw off the sequence, I have trouble getting back in the groove. From cooking, to driving, to performing our jobs, habits and routines rule our days.

It's said that it takes 2 months for a new action to become a habit. I wonder how long it will be for me to get out of many of the habits that revolved around Maddy, being married, or having another person sharing my life.

I still find myself saying, "I need to remember to tell Maddy about..." or "Maddy will like that." I saw bananas on sale and thought, "I should get some for Maddy." I still sleep on "my" side of the bed. I sit on "my" side of the loveseat and "my" chair at the kitchen table. I keep to my side of the bathroom. When getting ready in the morning I still find myself staring into the mirror, looking at where his reflection usually stared back at me.

When Maddy's working hours changed and he started being home about the same time as me, I got into the habit of looking for his work truck as I came closer to the house, seeing if he beat me home. It took me many months to get to the point that I didn't do it every time.

There were things that didn't take me long to unlearn, mostly because they were Maddy's habits that I just went along with. I don't watch westerns when I get home from work. I don't watch certain shows on TV. In fact, many times I don't turn the TV on; that was what he did when he came in.

Unfortunately, I have had to develop new habits, many that were Maddy's. I'm now the person who has to check the locks at night (although I forget sometimes). I'm in charge of the thermostat and changing it in the morning (yep, forget that too). We had a rule that the last out of the bed made it. That was usually him. Guess who that is now.

Just as my roles around the house have changed, my routines have had to adjust. I hope that I get better at them, but I know it will take time. Maybe in that time some of the old habits will fade away.

This week marks 10 months since I began my new life. I've learned that time tables are not set in stone and things will happen when I'm ready. I've also learned, more importantly, that's okay.

I hear this song in my head a lot. I realize it talks about a break up, but certain lines are right on point.