It’s My (Pity) Party and I’ll Cry if I Want To

Let’s face it; disappointments are a part of life. Sometimes those moments can be life altering and other times they are just monumental to our own little world. Whether it’s a bad hair day, car accident, unruly child (yours or one that you had to put up with), or another annoyance in your life, these things can make you cranky and you just need to vent to someone. Many times you just need to get it off your chest, blow off steam, and work through your frustrations out loud. You’re not looking for advice. You don’t need someone to take your side. You just need an ear. If you have someone in your life that will listen to you without judging, without telling anyone what you’ve said, or without condescending you, be grateful. Of course, we all know that sometimes they may not respond because they aren’t really listening. *cough, husbands, cough*

Through the years I did my share of “venting” to Maddy. I knew he was a safe ear to bend. He would listen (I think!) and let me get it all out. Sometimes he said nothing. Sometimes he agreed that I had a legitimate gripe. Sometimes he gently would tell me to get over it. No matter the situation, I knew he would not repeat what I said to another person. He would keep my confidence and not judge me. That’s what a spouse should do. That’s how the person you spend your life with should act. He or she should be that “safe place” for you to go when you need a release.

Now that I have said how wonderful my husband was about listening to my venting sessions, let me tell you how it sometimes played out.

No matter what my disappointment, deep inside I knew that my little issue would pale in comparison to difficult circumstances others were going through. I guess it would be the “starving kids in Africa” syndrome. Maddy would only let me complain for so long. Finally, he would remind me that there are people who have problems worse than mine. Sometimes it helped me put things in perspective. Other times I would get annoyed with him. I needed to have my pity party a little longer.

You may know what I’m talking about. We throw ourselves a grand gala. We have the balloons, streamers, cake, punch, and party favors. We invite our nearest and dearest to join us as we commiserate about our trouble. We want everyone to know what ailment has befallen us. We just want some attention, some sympathy, some compassion, if only for a little while.

Just like any get-together, our perfect Pity Party must come to an end. We have to deflate the balloons, take down the streamers, and put away the left over refreshments. But, as with any grand event, we will have the memories. We can sit down days, weeks, or even months later and reminisce about the time. We can rehash all the happenings.

It’s in those retrospective moments that we decide whether we live in the past or move forward. Now, I’m not saying those times are to be forgotten. Some of our Pity Parties are for major life events, but continuing to dwell on those disappointments and tragedies can be detrimental to our bodies, our minds, and our relationships. The stress and anxiety will cause medical issues. Constantly replaying events in your mind will cause you to lose sleep and probably make you cranky. That person that you vent to will not want to hear your continually lament. Your friends may not want to be around as much.

I have found myself having different “parties” that all center around the same theme. For me now it has more to do with things that go wrong and I don’t know what to do. Maddy was the one who took care of the yard and watering. When I found a water leak, I cried and thought, “He would know what to do!”. When I open the door and the knob comes off in my hand, I lose it. My life was not supposed to be this way! And there is the beginning of another Pity Party! I try to keep them to a short time because I have to figure out how to get myself out of the situation. I’m lucky to have a good group of supporters that I can call for most of my “Maddy” jobs.

When I finish feeling sorry for myself I make my brain change its perspective. I may have lost my husband, but I still have my girls. There are some who have lost a spouse that are struggling to make ends meet. Some have lost their whole family as well as their home and belongings. If I turn my focus off of me and onto others, I see that I should put my energy to use in a more positive, supportive way.

So, have your Pity Party. Invite those trusted companions. Get the chips and dip. Binge on Netflix. Then pull up your Big Girl (or Boy) Britches, dry your eyes, wipe the crumbs off your clothes, and go out and seize a new day. If you find yourself slipping back into “Party” mode, that’s okay. Maybe this time just make it a party for one.

(If you feel like you are drowning in your disappointments, may I suggest reading "It's Not Supposed to Be This Way" by Lisa TerKeurst)