"It's Not Fair"

Many times I have heard children say, "It's not fair!" Sometimes they want to do something, but the adult in charge says no. Other times they don't want to do something that they are told to do. Then there are those times the meltdowns occur because a coveted item is wanted but not given. I have heard this with my own girls, especially when the older one got to do something the younger one didn't.

In the past few months I have felt like a little kid. I have had many "It's not fair!" moments, although I have refrained from a public meltdown. When I see a couple eating out, shopping together, or attending an event, I think, "It's not fair that they get to have time together, but I don't anymore." When I see a couple celebrating a 30th, 40th, or 50th anniversary, my inner child crosses her arms, sticks out her bottom lip, stomps her foot, and shouts, "That should be us! It's not fair!"

Of course, "fair" doesn't mean everyone gets the same thing, but everyone gets what they need according to their situation. Knowing the definition doesn't make it any easier to accept. On a conscious level, I am so happy for these couples. I want people to spend time together and work on building strong relationships. Seeing marriages last for decades makes me renew my faith in the power of love. I am a strong advocate for making memories with your family. My inner voice cries out in anguish when I see these now, though.

Recently I attended the graduation ceremony for my older daughter, celebrating the completion of her master's degree. My mind kept swinging back to the Cole Swindell song "You Should Be Here". I saw moms and dads cheering on their graduate, taking family pictures after the event. Again, my brain was screaming, "It's not fair." I retired from teaching after this past school year and Maddy wasn't there to celebrate with me. Even now, as I write this, I'm sitting in the hospital waiting room with Maddy's brothers while his dad is having heart surgery. He should be here, too. He should be sitting next to me just as they have their wives for support.

Just as kids grow up and mature, I'm sure eventually I will get to the point that I don't cry foul over the situation. I won't profess to totally become immune to the activities of others that I should be sharing with Maddy, but I will do my best to smile and be happy for everyone else.