The Canoe and the Kayak

Inspiration can strike in some of the oddest places. For this blog I had an "aha" moment while watching "Gilmore Girls". To say I'm a fan of the show would be an understatement. I consider Lorelei Gilmore my spirit animal, or at least a long lost sister. The sarcasm and quick wit on the show is a good representation of my life. I have seen the entire series too many times to remember, and I watch it every weeknight that it's on. It was during one of those repeat viewings that I was struck by what was being discussed. I don't know why I hadn't picked up on it before, but it is a very apt description of the life of a widow.

During this scene, Lorelei (the daughter) is trying to teach Emily (the mother) how to run a finance program on the computer. Emily has never had to deal with any of the finances because her husband always took care of it. Her husband has had a heart attack and is in recovery, so Emily is having to learn how to do things that weren't her responsibility. She is amazed that Lorelei knows how to do so much on her own. As she reflects on all that has happened, she talks about marriage being like a canoe. She and Richard, her husband, have been paddling their canoe together for years. He paddles on his side; she paddles on hers. With both working together the canoe stays on course. Now, she says, he's dropped his paddle. She is having to handle the canoe alone. Without him the canoe is going in circles since she's the only one paddling, and the harder she paddles, the faster it spins. It's hard work to maneuver the canoe alone.

Emily tells Lorelei that she is a kayak. (Lorelei has been a single mom since she was a teenager.) The paddle for a kayak has fins on both ends so one person can propel and steer the craft alone. You are in charge of the destination. No one is there to help or tell you where to go (unless you have a two person kayak of course).

In my life, I have captained a canoe and a kayak. Paddling a canoe by yourself is hard work because you have to keep using the oar on both sides. If you have another person in the boat, it's easier (except if the other person is your child). Each person has to paddle at close to the same speed and strength to keep on course. This is the same for a marriage. If both people are working together, putting forth equal effort, you can keep going. If you hit rough water, both people will adjust during that time to make sure the vessel stays afloat. The kayak uses a double ended paddle so one person can control it alone. You are responsible for the steering and speed. If you hit rapids, there is no one in the boat with you to help. Sometimes the solitude of the kayak is nice, but it can be tiring doing it all alone. I will admit, the times I've launched a kayak I was not totally alone. Even though I was in the kayak by myself, I had someone else in another kayak with me. I haven't ventured out alone yet, mostly for safety.

For quite a while after Maddy's accident I felt like I was in that canoe by myself. I was no longer on the course we had originally set. Some days I was paddling fast, thinking I could get away from my current situation. All I ended up doing was spinning in the same spot. Those days of navigating paperwork, calls, work, family, meetings, lawyers, and all the little things felt like trying to maneuver the rapids with no one to help steer.

Eventually, I got out of the canoe and settled into a kayak, figuratively and literally. I had to chart a new course and learn how to control the vessel by myself. There are days I hit some rapids, but I'm learning how to use my oar to keep myself upright and on the right path. Sometimes I have to go over to the bank, rest for a bit, and assess the journey so far. I've got some good friends and an awesome God that help keep me going.

I actually bought a kayak and have ventured out on the lake. It was peaceful and a good jolt for my self-esteem. Hopefully, I can get back out there again soon.

As much as I like the kayak, I would love to be back in the "canoe" with my favorite boat buddy!

All this boat talk reminds me of the story of Jesus sleeping in the bottom of the boat as a storm is tossing them to and fro. When they wake Him, He goes to the deck and says, "Peace! Be Still!" (Mark 4:39 ESV). He can control the wind and waves so I need to remember that He can calm the storms in my life as well.