'Til Death Do Us Part

July 14, 1990 was one of the best days of my life. That day began the grand adventure that I lived for 28 years. I promised to love, honor, and cherish the man I was deeply in love with. I vowed to love him in sickness and health, for better or worse, until death parts us.

Our wedding day was a low-key affair, but it was just right for us. My family did the food, flowers, and photos. My dress came from JC Penney and my maid of honor wore her prom dress. Luckily for him I was a low maintenance gal!

Knee surgery aftermath

Over the years the vows we made were tested many times. He took care of me after my C-section, the birth of our second child, gall bladder removal and knee surgery. I nursed him through cancer, back surgery, his gall bladder removal, burns from his firefighter gig and his normal job as a lineman, and esophagus issues. Although with this list it may not seem that way, we really were pretty healthy.

ER visit

When Maddy figured out emojis, I got a bouquet of flowers.

We had our “better or worse” moments as well. We were blessed with more “better”, mostly because he didn’t get upset with me too much. We had disagreements over things, but we never let them take over our marriage. I can honestly say we had a wonderful life.

He never had a reason to doubt I loved him. If he couldn’t tell by the things I did for him, he heard it all the time. In fact, a few days before the accident I asked him if he ever got tired of hearing me say it. Even if he did it wouldn’t stop me from telling him. We actually had a “love contest” of sorts. If I said, “I love you”, he would reply, “Love you more”. It would then go into “bestest”, “mostest”, and the like because he knew the bad grammar would bug me.

Because he was such a great man, honoring him was not a hardship. We had mutual respect. Even when a coworker would tell him horrible things about his wife, Maddy never reciprocated with stories that would put me down. I did my best to build him up and he did the same for me.

Once our girls were grown our relationship grew. It was during these years that I truly learned the meaning of “cherish”. He showed me such love and respect that I was humbled. He protected me when we were out by always putting me on the “safe” side. He did things that I wanted to do, even if he really didn’t care for it. He put my needs first. I have told people many times how much he cherished me.

All these aspects of our wedding vows have been easy to fulfill. I can say “easy” because, compared to that last line, the rest have been a piece of cake. When I imagined "'til death do us part", I saw us sitting on the back porch, watching our grandkids playing on the swingset that he grumbled about assembling. I saw us fulfilling our goal of visiting all 50 states. I envisioned us growing old together, enjoying our 65th wedding anniversary. Never in my thoughts about the future did I see me living my "golden years" without him.

On the TV show "Station 19", the fire chief is dying and he's talking to his girlfriend, who he just got engaged to. I loved their lines in this scene. She says, "I was really ready to spend the rest of my life with you." His reply, "At least I get to spend the rest of mine with you."

https://abc.go.com/shows/station-19/video/vdka9665351 I thought about how it wasn't fair that Maddy got to spend the rest of his life with me, but I didn't.

I know that my plans are not the ones that guide my life. In my head, I know that God is in control and I have to trust His plans. In my heart, I'm not so thrilled that His plans didn't line up with mine. I've been doing my best to trust God; trust His plan; trust His timing. Just like in the beginning of this journey, I just have to take each day one at a time. I pray for God to reveal His plan as I wait for His timing.

Our first anniversary date without him is not going to be an easy day. In fact I'm sure it will be very emotional. It will be the last "first" after his death. Starting next month I'll begin my year of "seconds".

I will always love Maddy and will cherish my memories of our life together until "death do us part".