With Hope

Where do you turn when you feel like your world has been turned upside down? The answer to that question depends on your beliefs, your support system, and your situation.

As I stood on the side of the road looking at the accident site, knowing that Maddy was gone, I took comfort in the knowledge that he was with God as soon as that porch fell. In my shock and disbelief, I still held to my faith in Christ. I knew that while Maddy was with Jesus, He was holding me and wiping away all my tears.

I didn't grow up going to church. I did what I call "church hopping". I attended different churches, denominations, and VBS weeks. I rode a bus, walked, and rode with my friends' grandma to a variety of services. Sometimes I attended with my brother or friends, other times I went by myself. My parents didn't go to church, but they didn't keep up from going. There has always been that sense of "right and wrong" in my life. I'm not sure if that was God's leading or watching the trouble my older siblings got into and knowing I didn't want that.

Friendship Baptist Church

When I started dating Maddy I started attending church with him. His dad was the preacher - no pressure there. Maddy helped me navigate the "routines" of church and answered questions I had. When I went to college he wrote me letters. Remember this was before the internet and texting. I didn't talk to him everyday, but I wrote to him often. He started out writing to me often, but those slacked off over the next four years. One letter in particular stands out and helped change my life. In amongst the usual silly things he wrote, he asked if I had ever asked Jesus in my heart. I knew if he was asking that it was important to him. I did lots of thinking and that summer I gave my life to Christ at Falls Creek.

Over the years I did my best to read my Bible and learn all I could. I taught children's classes for different age groups, got involved with the women's group, and sang in the choir. Once we had children we read to them from the children's Bible every night. We did the best we could to raise the girls with a sense of faith.

I have never wavered in my faith. I know that God has blessed me throughout my life. He has been there for me when I needed comfort. When Maddy was diagnosed with cancer I knew that it was in God's hands. We got to it in the early stages and kicked it. When we had a preliminary diagnosis of a heart problem with our second child, I left it to God. It cleared up before she was born.

I am a worrier by nature, but I've done my best to let go. I've learned that I cannot control everyone else or any other circumstance. I tried not to worry when Maddy went out to work on power lines in a storm. Actually, I was more concerned with his power work than the fire fighting. He had been burned doing both before, but I considered the high voltage to be the bigger danger. I knew he was highly trained and followed all the safety procedures so I trusted his expertise.

After the accident I could see God's hand in many things that had happened in the months, weeks, and days leading up to the event. One that was very important throughout this process was the relationships that had been built and strengthened within my church family. Because we had become closer and worked together for many projects, these people became a solid support system for me.They ministered to me and my family throughout the first days and have helped me with things around the house. Our pastor was a great source of strength and comfort for me and our church.

My message at the funeral spoke of hope for the future through Christ. I chose the song "With Hope" by Steven Curtis Chapman to play afterward. In another "God" moment, our pastor changed his message at last minute. He spoke of hope.

As difficult as these days have been, I cannot imagine trying to get through them without Christ. I have clung to Him and taken comfort in the fact that I will see Maddy again one day. With hope in Christ I can get through each day, drawing on the strength He gives me.

If you do not have that hope and faith, I urge you to speak to a friend or pastor, or message me. It's amazing the difference it can make in your life.