Merry Christmas, Darling

As I look at my Christmas tree, I don't see a designer's dream. Instead, I see a collection of memories. Every ornament holds a memory or some significance for our family. I still put on some of the first ornaments that were on our tree when we first married, including the Precious Moments "Our First Christmas". When we became pregnant, I bought "Mom-to-Bee" and "Dad-to-Bee" ornaments to celebrate. With the birth of our girls we added the Precious Moments Baby's First Christmas and the Hallmark yearly ornaments up to the 5th year. As the girls got older they got to choose a new ornament each year. They were supposed to take them when they left home, but I still have them. Ornaments from our vacations were added to the collection, as well as those showing things we enjoyed. We got Maddy a John Wayne and Dale Earnhardt ornament.

Every year when I put these ornaments on the tree I'm transported back in time to when they were first placed there. I remember the early years of our family, the places we visited, and the people the ornaments were purchased for. This year those memories were bittersweet. When all your memories include someone who not be in your future, they are treasured and sorrowful at the same time.

I am usually full of the Christmas spirit, but this year it's a little low. I put up the tree and some decorations, but they don't bring me the same joy. I listen to the stations playing my favorite Christmas songs, but the tunes don't fill me with the same happiness. I just can't sing them this season. I try to put on a cheerful facade, but on the inside I'm still feeling my way through the darkness.

Tonight, I keep replaying Karen Carpenter singing "Merry Christmas, Darling" in my head.

"I wish you Merry Christmas Happy New Year too I've just one wish on this Christmas eve I wish I were with you."

Merry Christmas in Heaven Sweetie!