When should I ...?

It seems everything has some kind of timetable that society deems appropriate. There is a time when babies should hit certain milestones. Newlyweds are expected to produce grandchildren within a couple of years. Christmas decorations should be out after Thanksgiving and put away by New Year's Day. These times are really just the opinion of other people, but we don't want to go against the majority.

Following a change of life event, like a marriage, move, divorce, or death, there are certain things that need to take place, but when they happen is different for each situation. Even two people that are experiencing the same event in their lives handle it differently. I know people who have unpacked all their moving boxes within the first week while others still have boxes in their garage a year later.

Since Maddy's accident I have asked myself, "When should I have _______ done?" many times. I wonder what others would think if I did something too soon or if I haven't done something and it's been almost 5 months (hard to believe). Immediately following his death I had to take care of the funeral service. The small part of my brain that was still functioning had to write an obituary, find pictures, pick pallbearers, contact said pallbearers, and create a eulogy to honor a great man. There were also lesson plans to finish and a classroom to set up to begin school. I then worked on getting the thank you cards written and sent. Didn't want to take more time than was custom. Within a week I started getting paperwork for insurance and benefits that had to be filled out. I also needed to get the camper sold so I didn't have to winterize. Having to get all the documents together and paperwork completed and returned took weeks and scrambled what part of my brain was still functioning. Throughout this time I still had to go to work and keep up the household. I had meetings with lawyers and financial advisers. I attended memorial events and functions.

With so many other things on my plate, I haven't been concerned with cleaning out some of Maddy's things. His toothbrush is still in the holder and the holder is still on his side of the vanity. A friend asked me why I haven't moved them. She was probably expecting an answer like "I just can't do it yet." The honest answer is it hasn't been a priority. His Bible is still on his bedstead. His clock is still plugged in. His personal items are still on the shelf where he left them. I haven't gone through the things they took out of his work truck. Those things haven't been in my way. They aren't things that I needed. I did go through the box that came from his office because it was in the living room and in the way. I did clean out some of the things in his closet so I could move some of my summer clothes. As I did that I thought, "Is this too soon or not soon enough?"

The most important item that I wonder what people may think about is my wedding ring. I have continued to wear my ring just as I had before. I've never been one that wore my ring 24/7. I take it off when I get home. I don't sleep in it. I don't wear it when I walk or exercise. For 28 years I wore it when I went out in public. I wore it when I went on a date with the hubster or to work. I'm used to having it on my finger. Right now, even though in the eyes of the law and IRS I am not married, in my heart and mind I still am very much in love with that guy! I may look for a different ring to wear in time, but I'll keep that ring on my finger for now.

In all my contemplations over these situations I have come up with my answer to the question "When should I...?" I should do it when I feel like I need to, not when anyone else says I should. Everyone deals with things in their own time. Some may take a year before the closet is cleaned out. Some may do it in a month. Some may want all reminders cleared away. Others may want to see the momentos. I think the proper amount of time is when you are ready.

If you come to my home you'll see what I have been doing with my time. You'll see the room I've put the flags, helmet, hard hat, letters, and other items I have received from people to honor Maddy. I felt that was more important. You'll see some rooms that I have been trying to keep clean after teaching all day (right before Christmas!!!). I'll work on the other things in time - my time. Ecclesiastes 3:1 and 4 state "For everything there is a season, and a time for every purpose under heaven"  "a time to weep, and a time to laugh; a time to mourn, and a time to dance" Don't worry about anyone else's timetable for doing the things in your life. God's timing is perfect. Ask him for guidance and wisdom and He will show you the way.